July 19, 2017

I am Magic

I have learned what is, to me, the most important lesson in my early 20s. I don't think the quote that I've chosen quite captures it, but it's a beautiful quote nonetheless. 

I have learned to be myself.

After hearing it shouted from the rooftops, motivation posters all throughout my education, and hearing it like a broken record from a variety of people around me, I have learned to stay true to myself and be unapologetic about it.

I have noticed myself doing that I wouldn't have necessarily done before because it would be perceived the wrong way, or I would be ridiculed. I've noticed it when I wore my piercings and band tee-shirt to work during the overnight working with somebody who's opinion I would have worried about in the past, but I dressed to make myself comfortable. I've noticed when asked about my major and I no long shrug my shoulders in regards to my future plans, I say I want to write. I don't hide the things that I like, and I don't pretend to like the things that I don't know anything about to impress people. I used to fake it 'til I made it all through high school, but I don't want to do that anymore because it's embarrassing and it gets me nowhere. Instead, I embrace the things that I know, and the things that I like because I am made up of these things. The things that I enjoy make me different from other people, and they make me who I am, and I would be a fool to pretend to be somebody else.

This all stemmed from my new writing project that follows a man at a wedding, who finds out his ex-girlfriend whom he still loves is also going to be there. It goes between the present and the past and in the past he falls in love with the small details about her. I have made the small details about myself in an effort to fall in love with myself, and it is my favorite thing I've written because it's helped me grow as a writer, and as a human. 

I'm being honest with myself and choosing not to live my life to please people, but to embrace myself, my interests, and the small joys I find in life. I was just talking with my best friend about this and we concluded that this is a reason that we get along so well. Other people we've been around in the past change to adapt to the people they hang around, but we don't, nor have we ever. I have always stayed true to my core, however I was hesitant on voicing my opinions and sharing my interests with people, therefore I never felt like my full self. Finally, I do. I have come into my own skin, and it's liberating.

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